The True Extent of Psychological Damage After Break Up

By Anuj Chugh

The true extent of psychological damage after break up....

If you are loved, you will feel loved,

If you are respected, you will feel respected,

If you are cared for, you will feel cared for,

You don't need anyone to tell you how to feel your feelings.

If anybody is trying to tell you otherwise, they are only manipulating you,

Your feelings never lie.

For example :- showing you 'no, this is the way how you should be loved, how things should be, etc' , 'I never meant it that way' (everything is always meant 'that way'), 'no you should be feeling good, whatever I am doing is for your good' (focus on the word being used - 'your' instead of our)....

Be smart enough and catch these questions early on in your relationships before they cause any further damage. The best thing to note, and observe is always your feeling. As I said, 'your feelings never lie....' Unless you are in a relationship for any selfish, ulterior motive, you will always be able to catch your feelings when they are turning turning negative about the other person ...

Call it quits before it is too late ... Before you are emotionally and mentally damaged ... Believe me, that mental / emotional damage takes a long time to heal and a whole lot of positive reinforcements in the form of conscious choices / decisions later to get undo and get rid of the damage done....

I am a living example of that.... I wasted two years mentally / emotionally handicapped not being able to date and always getting into abusive positions / relations with the girls.... It got so worse that I even got addicted to the torture.... Being treated like a dog seemed like the 'new normal'... I stopped growing during those two years... The cycle and the vicious circle would never stop.... And nobody came to my rescue.... I was always out there fighting and trying to fend for myself as best as my awareness would allow.... But always falling short.... It was a ridiculous turn my life had taken.... It was the most fucked up two years I ever could live....

I used to collect all the scraps and broken pieces of my life and salvage as best as I could as best as I should.... Though my finances were good, but I was a beggar for other people's attention, for other people's support....

It was not that.... During those two years 'I was expecting someday an angel would fly to me' (meet me by chance and make me fall in love all over again and this time giving me all the love that I deserved) .... Though some thoughts / hopes would let me to survive my day during those times ....

It was actually even worse, I constantly imagined the girl would come back to me ... call me, SMS me, email me, unblock me, on fb / whatsapp and try to contact me again.... somedays I would want to kill that girl....

Somedays I would just cry in pain helplessly.... What more was that, I was cut out from the outside world, I was isolated.... Being an introverted personality in the past seem to have worked against me.... How could I have foreseen this in the past and could have made more friends ?.... All my heart, all my trust I had wrongly placed in one basket.... At the wrong time, in the wrong situations....

What more could I do ? I was being loved and reciprocated for the first time ever in my life.... After having gone through the pain of many one-sided loves / crushes before .... I 'thought' this love was eagerly awaited and eagerly deserved.... Worse than that, I thought it was the 'right' kind of love.... A healthy 'ideal' relationship.... so I put all my effort into it.... I gave it all I could....

Whatever it took, I could, whatever I should and even whatever I couldn't.... I really stretched myself for her at times.... Like a rubber band ! ..... For I never had the slightest clue that I was about to be betrayed....

Despite all the love, effort, money, energy, She left me for dead.... That was the best she could do....

Mentally and emotionally handicapped and socially unfit and isolated because of my introvertedness, it was also difficult for me to find and transition to a better girl....

I would just 'imagine' things to be 'perfect' and get into abusive positions with certain girls.... They would suck my already dry soul out.... Accelerated by the kind of ignoring they do to you on whatsapp / facebook these days.... Messages would be seen and never replied to.... Or worse, messages never seen at all....

But you know what I survived these two years and now that I am sorted, there's no looking back

Always Note : If they really cared for you, they would make you feel cared for and never give excuses. And If they are honest and truthful, they will outright reject and then pls don't try to pursue them anymore. Please don't be under the fallacy that things would change that if you keep trying or keep showing your love, they would eventually agree to date you / Fall for you.... No it's never happening, pls don't even think about it. Please don't even wait for a moment, there are no angels on the way, coming to your rescue....

The pain of unreciprocated / one sided loves and crushes for almost 10 yrs and then I had to go through this and the resultant 2 years of mental psychological social and emotional handicap.... All due to my delusions, fallacies, beliefs and certain assumptions .... Complete misinterpretation of 'Never give up' attitude....

But through my hard work, experience and time, I have become better, I now give up on a girl on the very first instance of a so-called 'mistake', which isn't so, but a sign of sabotage, game, betrayal, ulterior motives.... Of course, I give a careful hearing and still care enough to verify all the facts myself.... Before I make a 'yes' or 'on' decision.... If slightest benefit of doubt, she is always forgiven.... Otherwise, not....


Anuj Chugh
About the author:- A Teach For India alumnus, Anuj spent two years working in an underprivileged school in Pune, teaching 120 children from the 7th and 8th grade, developing his leadership skills. For 8 years before the fellowship, Anurag was involved in developing and debugging embedded software and hardware as part of various design teams. He is now CEO of Ergoptix Mediquip Pvt Ltd, the manufacturer of Magnifying Loupes and LED Headlamps in India. Bringing awareness of developing the practice of maintaining the correct posture by using magnification at the very inception of the doctor’s dental and medical practice. Feel free to communicate with Anuj by email or via WhatsApp message at +91-9819912872. Read more about Anuj on his personal site.


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